A friend told me that the days are long and the years are short, and I have no idea what she's talking about. The days are short! I don't want to know how short the years are!!! Trying to work through expat issues like passports and visas make my time off feel shorter, and trying to organize a move makes the time even shorter yet. In all seriousness, it honestly seems like I wake up and play with Baby L (she's a morning baby, for sure), there is crying, feeding, diaper changing, and soothing, and before I know it it's bedtime. Days that we leave the apartment seem even shorter, so I'm trying my best to soak in every moment.
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| We hate tummy time. Mom, hurry up with the pictures, and get me off the floor! |
Similar to my post Funny Observations on Motherhood, these are just my thoughts on various mommy-related topics.
The Hospital Stay
My delivery was a bit more harrowing that most, and at the same time, I am now thankful for the extra time in the hospital. Five days was too long, and the typical 24-hours seems far, far too short. I was probably ready to get out of the hospital after the second night - I learned so much about how to take care of my baby from the hospital nurses, and built so much confidence as a new mother. I can see why so many new parents go home feeling clueless and uncertain about caring for their newborn - we didn't have that experience at all. For future Baby #2, I'll probably be ready to go home right away, and I wish that more new moms had the option to stay in the hospital an extra day to really learn to be a mom. Which brings me to my next thought...
Hire a Doula
I didn't really need one until I NEEDED one. If my delivery had gone as planned and we all went home 24 hours later, I would have wished I'd hired a doula sooner. I got lucky and didn't really need the help until I was on my own for 5 days after Dad went home before G came back. She is amazing. She is sweet and kind is not at all overbearing - I was worried that maybe since she was joining us a month after Baby L was born that it would be awkward, and it wasn't at all. And the 2-3 hours a day to either leave the apartment to go to the grocery store downstairs or just take a nap was amazing.
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| Baby L loves her doula! |
I wasn't terribly concerned about this topic while pregnant because I knew I would have full time support of my husband when I came home - and Baby L was a little angel for her first two weeks. She only cried when she was hungry, and she was cute and super alert when she was awake. She would fall asleep while eating, and then sleep for hours - the perfect little newborn. I was in maternal bliss. And then she found her voice.
I don't think I ever had a colicky baby - I genuinely thing that her umbilical cord infection was the cause of the 5 days of screaming that G, Dad, and I endured. Once that was all resolved, she still screams, and she's no longer inconsolable. However, I understand where moms with fussy-er or more colicky babies than mine could struggle with baby blues and depression and disconnectedness from their newborns. My advice would be, if the means are available, hire a doula or ask for help from someone close that has experience with babies. The extra support is so worth it. No matter how supportive a new dad is, he is still a little clueless. My dad was actually an awesome "interim" doula for me - he basically did everything a doula would do while he was here. He cooked, he took care of the baby so I could sleep, he helped me run errands - as frustrated as I was with some of the "bad habits" that I think he gave Baby L (like...long naps on his chest...), I am so so so thankful that he was here to help me.
What's actually really hard for me is to not be sad about how fast she is growing. I already miss my sweet cuddly one-week old baby - my 5-week old baby is still super cute and interactive, but doesn't want to snuggle into me as much. And I know that she will want to snuggle less and less and less as she gets older! I do love hearing the new noises that she makes and her new facial expressions. G is really good about taking little videos of her so we remember what she is like - and I've followed his lead and started recording some as well.
Cloth Diapers
I decided to go all in with cloth diapering and purchased liners and inserts from a line called "Best Bottom" on the recommendation from a co-worker. The outer shell is adjustable, and then there are different sized inserts to use as the baby grows. It's a little more work than disposable diapers, and I'm ok with that. The cloth diapers are quite a bit bulkier, and make Baby L's butt look hilarious. Best Bottoms are even supposed to be some of the "trimmest fitting" cloth diapers! I think Baby L is just so tiny still that the diapers look huge on her.
I've already started to see the savings - even with using disposables for diaper rashes and for travel, we use significantly fewer diapers and I've gotten the laundry cycle down to a pretty efficient system. It'll be even better when we move to Dubai and we have somewhere to hang clothes and skip the dryer cycle.
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| Do these diapers make my butt look big? |
Pediatrician Visits
So...I LOVE the hospital where I delivered Baby L. I LOVE my doctor there and most of the staff. I do NOT love Baby L's doctor. She's great with Baby L, and we only have one more checkup with her before we move, which is why I haven't changed doctors. Every time we go, she makes me feel like everything that might be wrong with Baby L is my fault, and I get lectured by her. Umbilical cord infected? Clearly you are not cleaning it properly (I did what the nurses told me to do!) Colicky baby? Clearly your diet is what's wrong (there is no scientific proof that mom's diet causes gas or acid reflux) Diaper rash? Clearly you are letting your baby sit in her own poop for too long (ok, that one is my fault) Baby's dry skin? The lotions and oils you're using are all wrong. Baby is underweight, you're not feeding her enough (this is also not true, she is perfectly average based on published charts). Baby's neck muscles are not balanced, make sure she sleeps facing left half the time and right the other half. Baby's milk mouth is bad for potential thrush, you should be cleaning it out between feedings. How often are you bathing her? Clearly not enough. And with the wrong soaps. It goes on and on and on. Seriously, bedside manner could go a long ways to helping parents be better parents!
Maternity Leave
Despite a few low points, the last 6 weeks have been amazing. I'm still not fully recovered from delivery, though things for me are improving every day - milestones include making it through the day without a nap (thanks to Baby L giving me a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep almost every night!), and sitting in a car for the 90 minute drive to Dubai. I still strongly believe that the standard short term disability of 6 weeks for vaginal and 8 weeks for cesarean deliveries is too short, and that the USA ought to have more formal parental leave policies, especially considering that every other developed nation and many undeveloped nations have them. My company's policy is that my USA benefits follow me as an expat, so as such, I have no formal maternity leave - only short term disability and vacation. At home in the USA with G working, I would have taken a few extra months unpaid, however we just can't afford that while on an expat assignment when I have our sole income.
All in all, at 6 weeks in, our little family is doing really well! We're looking forward to some more milestones, like G and I taking our first date night away from Baby L (she'll be with her doula), G's parents coming to visit, and continuing with planning our move to Dubai!
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