More Serious Observations on Motherhood

I've been meaning to put my more serious thoughts on Motherhood down, and as all parents know, time with the little one just flies by.  I'm already halfway through my work leave! I can't believe I'll be going back to work in less than 6 weeks - I'm thankful that G is able to be home with her because it makes me feel a lot better about going back to work sooner than I originally wanted to.

A friend told me that the days are long and the years are short, and I have no idea what she's talking about.  The days are short!  I don't want to know how short the years are!!! Trying to work through expat issues like passports and visas make my time off feel shorter, and trying to organize a move makes the time even shorter yet. In all seriousness, it honestly seems like I wake up and play with Baby L (she's a morning baby, for sure), there is crying, feeding, diaper changing, and soothing, and before I know it it's bedtime.  Days that we leave the apartment seem even shorter, so I'm trying my best to soak in every moment.

We hate tummy time.  Mom, hurry up with the pictures, and get me off the floor!

Similar to my post Funny Observations on Motherhood, these are just my thoughts on various mommy-related topics.

The Hospital Stay
My delivery was a bit more harrowing that most, and at the same time, I am now thankful for the extra time in the hospital.  Five days was too long, and the typical 24-hours seems far, far too short.  I was probably ready to get out of the hospital after the second night - I learned so much about how to take care of my baby from the hospital nurses, and built so much confidence as a new mother. I can see why so many new parents go home feeling clueless and uncertain about caring for their newborn - we didn't have that experience at all. For future Baby #2, I'll probably be ready to go home right away, and I wish that more new moms had the option to stay in the hospital an extra day to really learn to be a mom.  Which brings me to my next thought...

Hire a Doula
I didn't really need one until I NEEDED one. If my delivery had gone as planned and we all went home 24 hours later, I would have wished I'd hired a doula sooner. I got lucky and didn't really need the help until I was on my own for 5 days after Dad went home before G came back. She is amazing. She is sweet and kind is not at all overbearing - I was worried that maybe since she was joining us a month after Baby L was born that it would be awkward, and it wasn't at all. And the 2-3 hours a day to either leave the apartment to go to the grocery store downstairs or just take a nap was amazing.

Baby L loves her doula!

Baby Blues & Postpartum Depression
I wasn't terribly concerned about this topic while pregnant because I knew I would have full time support of my husband when I came home - and Baby L was a little angel for her first two weeks.  She only cried when she was hungry, and she was cute and super alert when she was awake.  She would fall asleep while eating, and then sleep for hours - the perfect little newborn.  I was in maternal bliss. And then she found her voice.

I don't think I ever had a colicky baby - I genuinely thing that her umbilical cord infection was the cause of the 5 days of screaming that G, Dad, and I endured.  Once that was all resolved, she still screams, and she's no longer inconsolable.  However, I understand where moms with fussy-er or more colicky babies than mine could struggle with baby blues and depression and disconnectedness from their newborns.  My advice would be, if the means are available, hire a doula or ask for help from someone close that has experience with babies.  The extra support is so worth it. No matter how supportive a new dad is, he is still a little clueless. My dad was actually an awesome "interim" doula for me - he basically did everything a doula would do while he was here.  He cooked, he took care of the baby so I could sleep, he helped me run errands - as frustrated as I was with some of the "bad habits" that I think he gave Baby L (like...long naps on his chest...), I am so so so thankful that he was here to help me.

What's actually really hard for me is to not be sad about how fast she is growing. I already miss my sweet cuddly one-week old baby - my 5-week old baby is still super cute and interactive, but doesn't want to snuggle into me as much.  And I know that she will want to snuggle less and less and less as she gets older!  I do love hearing the new noises that she makes and her new facial expressions. G is really good about taking little videos of her so we remember what she is like - and I've followed his lead and started recording some as well.

Cloth Diapers
I decided to go all in with cloth diapering and purchased liners and inserts from a line called "Best Bottom" on the recommendation from a co-worker.  The outer shell is adjustable, and then there are different sized inserts to use as the baby grows.  It's a little more work than disposable diapers, and I'm ok with that.  The cloth diapers are quite a bit bulkier, and make Baby L's butt look hilarious.  Best Bottoms are even supposed to be some of the "trimmest fitting" cloth diapers!  I think Baby L is just so tiny still that the diapers look huge on her.

I've already started to see the savings - even with using disposables for diaper rashes and for travel, we use significantly fewer diapers and I've gotten the laundry cycle down to a pretty efficient system.  It'll be even better when we move to Dubai and we have somewhere to hang clothes and skip the dryer cycle.

Do these diapers make my butt look big?

Unfortunately, Baby L got a pretty nasty diaper rash on the last trip to Dubai.  The combination of long stretches between diaper changes, the heat from sitting in the car-seat, and the lack of breathability of the disposables summed up to a red bottom for our little girl.  Since most rash creams will ruin the absorbency of a cloth diaper, she's been back in disposables until it clears up.

Pediatrician Visits
So...I LOVE the hospital where I delivered Baby L.  I LOVE my doctor there and most of the staff.  I do NOT love Baby L's doctor. She's great with Baby L, and we only have one more checkup with her before we move, which is why I haven't changed doctors.  Every time we go, she makes me feel like everything that might be wrong with Baby L is my fault, and I get lectured by her.  Umbilical cord infected? Clearly you are not cleaning it properly (I did what the nurses told me to do!) Colicky baby?  Clearly your diet is what's wrong (there is no scientific proof that mom's diet causes gas or acid reflux) Diaper rash?  Clearly you are letting your baby sit in her own poop for too long (ok, that one is my fault) Baby's dry skin?  The lotions and oils you're using are all wrong.  Baby is underweight, you're not feeding her enough (this is also not true, she is perfectly average based on published charts).  Baby's neck muscles are not balanced, make sure she sleeps facing left half the time and right the other half.  Baby's milk mouth is bad for potential thrush, you should be cleaning it out between feedings. How often are you bathing her?  Clearly not enough.  And with the wrong soaps. It goes on and on and on. Seriously, bedside manner could go a long ways to helping parents be better parents!

Maternity Leave
Despite a few low points, the last 6 weeks have been amazing.  I'm still not fully recovered from delivery, though things for me are improving every day - milestones include making it through the day without a nap (thanks to Baby L giving me a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep almost every night!), and sitting in a car for the 90 minute drive to Dubai.  I still strongly believe that the standard short term disability of 6 weeks for vaginal and 8 weeks for cesarean deliveries is too short, and that the USA ought to have more formal parental leave policies, especially considering that every other developed nation and many undeveloped nations have them. My company's policy is that my USA benefits follow me as an expat, so as such, I have no formal maternity leave - only short term disability and vacation. At home in the USA with G working, I would have taken a few extra months unpaid, however we just can't afford that while on an expat assignment when I have our sole income.

All in all, at 6 weeks in, our little family is doing really well! We're looking forward to some more milestones, like G and I taking our first date night away from Baby L (she'll be with her doula), G's parents coming to visit, and continuing with planning our move to Dubai!

Home Hunting Dubai Part 2

It has been busy for us since G came back from the USA!  We had a day for him to unpack and do laundry, and then the next day we were off again to Dubai for 2 days to search for our new home. This trip to Dubai was also a test run for us to travel with Baby L - learning what to pack, what not to pack, and generally how well she would travel.

Day 1 of our trip to Dubai started out pretty well.  Since G was already jet lagged, and I've been doing nighttime feedings for Baby L every 2-3 hours, we were both up at 5:30am and out the door on the way to Dubai by 7.  We were meeting our agent at 9am, so this gave us plenty of time to stop for gas and breakfast, as well as for me to feed Baby L and change her diaper once we got to Dubai.  We are lucky that Baby L is a great carseat traveller!  I just feel bad for her because the polyester carseat covers make her so hot.  I tried to help her out by lining the headpiece with a cotton burp cloth to absorb some sweat, but I can't really line the rest without compromising the carseat safety.  She slept the whole ride to Dubai, and had a sleepy mid-morning snack before passing out again as we ran her around the Dubai Marina in her carseat & stroller.

Baby L fast asleep as I try to wake her up to feed her in Dubai.  Even while asleep, she looks like a #grumpybaby!

We started the day with apartments - we had 4 property viewings in 4 different apartment towers that morning - Al Sahab, Al Majarah, Horizon Tower, and Princess Tower.  We needed at a minimum 3 bedrooms plus a study or maid's room.  This would allow us a master, a nursery, a guest room and a place for G to do schoolwork.  I talk more specifically about our requirements in Home Hunting Dubai Part 1

There really isn't much to say about the Al Sahab property - it could do for what we need, and it looked like all of the other Emaar-developed properties we saw back in July. Nothing particularly special, so we kept it as a backup option.  One thing in particularly that made this apartment a little lackluster was the built-in fridge/freezer was the same size as our current apartment (the tall cabinet on the right) - so we would likely end up either purchasing a second fridge or small mini-bar type fridge for drinks.  On the other hand, it has the amenities typical of Emaar properties - nice pool, nice fitness area, good community spaces and community grills, and direct access to retail and restaurants within the building.

Kitchen at Al Sahab - built in fridge/freezer on the right

We immediately ruled the Al Majarah property because the apartment was a 2 BR + Study - it was a beautiful apartment, developed by Emaar with a great view and not enough space.  The kitchen layout was actually very similar to Al Sahab, and the current renters has even put a large fridge into the study area.  The fridge-in-the-office concept could be workable if we'd had an extra room - so this one was a no-go.

The Princess Tower property was located on the 86th floor (yes. 86th!) with an AMAZING view of the Palm, but the layout for the apartment was not the more trendy open format.  Rather, the dining, living, and kitchen spaces were very closed off. The bathrooms were also a bit strange in that the master bath didn't have a shower, and the layout of the guest rooms en-suites didn't make much sense either.  The living room half-bath had 3 extra sinks!  The railing style on the balcony also made me nervous - and while I'm not afraid of heights, the 86th floor was a bit high even for me, so we ruled this property out as well.

Amazing view of the Palm from the 86th floor!  Too high for me!!!

The Horizon Tower property was a perfect fit so far! It was a 2-story flat with an incredible balcony that had a much sturdier-looking railing than the Princess Tower balcony.  The upstairs portion also had a full utility closet and pantry (in case you have late night munchies?) It has 4 bedrooms and large open living spaces that were almost like a villa, and was walking distance to pretty much everything in the Marina including a metro stop literally right outside the front door.  The real kicker was the property has a lap-pool. After our first morning of home searching, this was our front runner!

Wide open living space in the Horizon Tower 2-story apartment

Beautiful view of the Marina from the Horizon Tower Balcony

We took a quick lunch break before moving on to look at villas (houses). The floorplan in the neighborhood that G had been looking at was no longer available, so we looked at a few similar (but older) floorplans in the adjacent neighborhoods within the same development.   First was the Zulal neighborhood within the Lakes (another Emaar-development) - and for a villa, it had everything we needed.  Three bedrooms plus a study, and additional family living spaces that could be used as fitness rooms or a home office for me. Second within the Lakes was Deema, which was four bedrooms - it was similar to Zulal, but the overall floorplan was larger.  G liked the layout of Zulal better, even though it was smaller, so for the Lakes development, that was our first choice.  The nice thing about the Lakes is that each neighborhood has its own pool and playground and within the development there are nurseries, restaurants, and grocery stores.  The expats I know that live there all love it.

Recently upgraded kitchen at Zulal

More typical Lakes kitchen at Deema

We then moved on to Jumeirah Park.  We looked at a nice 3 bedroom villa with a pool.  Since Jumeirah Park is a newer development, the interiors of the homes are very nice and more updated than the Lakes and many come with appliances already installed. The downside is that the neighborhood looks like suburban Houston with the houses crammed into the lots as tight as can be. Unlike Emaar-developed properties there weren't really public green spaces, just endless rows of houses.  I also didn't love the idea of a pool with a little one at home.  We felt that we wouldn't choose to live in a neighborhood like this in Texas, and so we didn't really want to live in a neighborhood like this in Dubai when we had other options.

Nice kitchen with appliances at Jumeirah Park

For our final stop of the day was the Meadows, again an Emaar development.  We looked at 3 different villas, all very similar to the villas in the Lakes but a bit more dated.  All would work fine for what we were looking for, so I opted to skip the last showing so I could feed Baby L and change her diaper.  It was a long day for her and me both (10 properties!  Well, only 9 for us since we skipped the last one and let G take pictures), and we were exhausted.  G drove us all to our hotel in the Dubai Marina, and after ordering room service, all three of us crashed around 7pm.

Typical kitchen/living space at the Meadows

This is what happens when I shower and leave the two of them alone.  He turns her into an Ewok.

Poor Baby L had a hard time sleeping - when the air conditioning kicked in, it blew right on the spot where her travel bassinet was sitting, so she woke up every 20-30 minutes until I could find a new spot for her in our room.  I finally settled on putting her bassinet on the luggage stand - I was nervous about it at first because I was afraid the straps might not be sturdy enough, but I figure if a luggage stand can hold someone's 50-lb piece of luggage, surely it can hold my less-than-10-lb baby. After that, she slept like a dream for most of the night with the exception of one major poopy blowout at 4am. I was changing her diaper after feeding her, and she shot poop all over me, her changing pad, and the sofa we were sitting on. My startled shriek woke G up, and he took over cleaning up Baby L and the sofa while I showered. He's such a great dad and husband. :-)

Baby L in her travel bassinet / diaper bag!

Day 2 had a lazy-er start than Day 1, with the exception of the morning poopapalooza.  We didn't have a long drive to make, so G and I took our time getting ready and took turns having free breakfast at the hotel so we wouldn't have to pack her up and bring her along.  We met our agent at a development called The Green Community about 20 minutes from my office in Jebel Ali.  We looked at 3 amazing properties at The Green Community - all either 4 or 5 bedrooms with exterior maid's quarters (i.e. office and music room for G AWAY from the house) with really nice yards, open living spaces, and in one case a pool that could actually be used for swimming laps.  We had almost talked ourselves into liking the Green Community with all its...well GREEN space...until we drove back into Dubai to look at more apartments in the Marina. The daily drive wouldn't be horrendous, but we felt that if we were going to have the chance to live in a big city on expat assignment we should live IN the big city - not 20 minutes away.  The Green Community, while beautiful, was cut from the list.

Lovely pool at the Green Community

HUGE Kitchen at the Green Community

Back in the Marina, we looked at 5 more properties in 4 locations - Emaar 6 (the oldest Emaar development in the Marina), Marina Quays, Trident Bayside, and 2 properties at Marina Promenade. All of the properties with the exception of Trident were Emaar developments.  Baby L and I skipped the first stop at Emaar 6 - unlike the apartments we looked at before, this property was a villa.  These are rarely available because they're the best of both worlds - a standalone villa with a garage in an Emaar community with direct access to the Marina walk and tons of shops.  G took video and photos for me - the hard thing for this property was access to our private garage involved several flights of stairs, which would be challenging with a baby.  Otherwise, the villa was great.

Our next stop at Marina Quays was also fruitful.  The owner was in the middle of renovating the flat, and it was similar in layout to the property at Al Sahab but stunning view of the entire Marina and newer finishes.  We crossed Al Sahab off the list in favor of this flat.

Stunning and unique view of the entire Marina from Marina Quays

After the Quays, we checked out Trident Bayside - and this flat was gorgeous! The flat was very modern with some high-tech security not one, but TWO built-in refrigerator/freezers.  G was in love with the kitchen, for all the storage space - in fact the entire flat was very western in terms of how much cabinetry and storage it held.  Trident moved right into second place behind Horizon Towers on our list of priorities! We asked our agents why the non-Emaar properties were so much nicer at a similar price, and we learned that it really is the amenities - the Emaar developments are so well thought out and great for families that it's difficult for the non-Emaar developed properties to compete.  So a win for us if we can snag one of these nice flats!

Our final stop was at the Marina Promenade, the newest of the Emaar developments.  It was interesting to go from the oldest to the newest in one afternoon and see the difference in the base finishes and layouts of the apartments.  The community spaces in the newer development are not as big or spread out, however the apartments are better laid out and with more updated finishes.  Fair tradeoffs because the apartments are priced similarly - although everything in Dubai is negotiable. :-)  The two properties with the Emaar amenities were not enough to overtake our top two choices, but were definitely a solid 3rd and 4th place if we were unable to come to terms with our higher priority properties.

Custom built-in cabinetry at one of the Marina Promenade properties

We had a short talk with our agent about limitations and language that needed to be included in the lease per my company's restrictions for allowances, and we made an offer on the Horizon Property.  After two days and 18 viewings, we were worn out!  Baby L was fussing, G was still jet lagged, and I still had general mommy-fatigue and soreness from still having not fully recovered from delivery.  We headed back to Abu Dhabi, hopeful that we would get what we want...and on our way home, we came to a verbal agreement with the landlord!  We aren't holding our breaths because we haven't finalized the paperwork yet, and we're hopeful we can come to full terms in writing this next week.  Cross your fingers it works out for us!

#grumpybaby on the way back from Dubai to Abu Dhabi

Wedding Story - G and Me before Baby L

Slightly off topic from living abroad, I realized as I was putting together photos for Baby L's birth story that I never really took the opportunity to showcase the amazing wedding photos that my sister's husband took for us when G and I got married.  And as I thought about displaying our photos on the blog, I figured I might as well share our story for those who haven't heard it!

G and I met online in June 2015.  Since divorcing my first husband in 2014, I had been in one serious relationship, and other than that, I dated like it was a second job. During one particularly busy 3-day holiday weekend, I went on 7 first dates!  My first husband and I separated for many reasons, and the biggest reason was that I was ready to start a family and he wasn't sure when he would be.  I felt my biological clock ticking (really, it was more like the alarm clock was blaring in one of those dreams where you can't turn it off) and so I felt that if I didn't actually put myself "out there" in the dating world, my family dreams would never come to fruition. I had so much anxiety around starting a family and becoming a mother that I went through a procedure to stimulate my ovaries and freeze one dozen of my egg cells.  The process is similar to IVF, except that the eggs are not fertilized until they are removed from cryopreservation, which saved me from some sticky moral dilemmas about being Catholic and freezing embryos.  I considered it my (very expensive) insurance policy that if I didn't meet Mr. Right until my early 40's, I could still have a baby.

Anyway, back to G and I.  As I mentioned, I was dating like it was a second job, and I had essentially exhausted my online options in early June.  When this happens, the best thing to do is to take a little dating vacation and shut down my online profile for a month or two to let the dating pool "regenerate" itself.  When I logged into to temporarily suspend my profile, I noticed a message from G - he seemed like a nice guy, and so we started texting each other outside the online platform.  This was generally new territory for me - when I meet someone online, I like to meet them for coffee as soon as possible to see whether or not there was any spark or chemistry.   I remember clearly some of our early conversations because Houston had just experienced the 2015 memorial day floods, and we made some jokes about taking boats to work instead of driving.  I think G actually saved all of our texts - he's sweet and sentimental like that.

In fact, everything about dating G was different from my previous dating experiences.  We didn't actually talk on the phone until over a weeks later - he was working nights and I was travelling to Connecticut for Father's Day.  Talking on the phone was unusual for me.  I typically might have one or two conversations on the phone, and then I would want to meet. I really enjoyed talking to him on the phone though, and hearing about his job and his friends. After talking on the phone with him, I decided to let him pick me up from my home and take me to dinner - another first, since I almost always met my first dates and it was almost always for coffee or lunch, rarely, if ever, dinner.

Our first date was amazing. With our conflicting work schedules we weren't able to set our first date until the end of June - the same day of the Houston Pride Parade, and the day that SCOTUS ruled on Gay Marriage.  He took me to Local Foods down in Rice Village to avoid the congestion downtown. We ate and talked and then walked around Rice Village and talked some more.  He admitted to living with his parents in Baytown to save money while going to school, and that while he was in the process of divorcing his wife, the paperwork wasn't finalized yet.  The first thing I was totally cool with since it seemed so financially responsible, the second gave me pause, and yet I started dating before my paperwork was finalized so I couldn't really judge.  After walking a loop around Rice Village, neither of us was ready to call it an evening, so we went to go see the movie "Inside Out" - I loved that he was ok watching a kids' movie on our first date.  I later learned that he actually likes kids' movies as much as I do.  He took me home, walked me to my doorstep, gave me a kiss and was gone before I say anything other than "goodnight".

Side note - I happened to be casually seeing 2 other people at the same time.  By the end of my second date with G (which involved walking from my place downtown to Jackson Street BBQ, free Argentinian Tango at Discovery Green, and cold pressed juice at Tout Suite), I decided to date G exclusively.  From there, the whirlwind started! We spent as much time together as we could.  I was training for a sprint triathlon, so I would go jogging with G at his parents' house in Baytown after work.  I gave him a key to my house, and he surprised me one day by cleaning my entire kitchen and having dinner prepped and ready to throw on the stove with bottles of wine to fill my wine rack.  Talk about sweeping a girl off her feet!!

By Labor Day weekend, we were searching for a house to call our own.  My dad was thrilled for me, my sister a bit skeptical - after all, we'd just met, and we were already buying a house together? Wasn't this a little fast?  I joke that she had a 3-year engagement, anything less than that would seem fast for her.  She agreed that he could come with me to her wedding so the family could meet him, even though we were well past the RSVP date.  He turned out to be a HUGE help for her wedding - he shuttled people, flowers, whatever was needed from the hotel, the church, the salon, and the reception.  My family loved G - we were engaged shortly after, and married in January.

We both had big white weddings the first time we were married, so we decided to keep it small this time around - immediate family only, and we had the wedding in Mystic, CT where my mother is buried.  The weather in Mystic on our wedding day was unseasonably warm for January - I think it was like 55 degrees and sunny.   The gal who did my hair said I was the most chill bride she'd ever met - but why wouldn't I be?  I wanted my wedding weekend to be relaxing and fun, and it was exactly that. My family and I stopped at the cemetery before the wedding to drop off flowers at Mom's grave and then we headed to Latitude 41 for the wedding.  G's father held a quick ceremony for us followed by lunch and then bumming around Mystic Seaport for photos.  After the festivities, my dad hosted the family at his home where he, his then girlfriend (now wife), and my cousin cooked us a delicious Vietnamese dinner.  It was the perfect intimate ending to a perfect intimate wedding day.  I couldn't have been happier, and I'm pretty sure my face hurt from smiling by the end of the day!

Jonathan took almost 300 photos that weekend, and I've picked a my favorites to share here! I haven't figured out how to make my blogger gallery work well on mobile, so I apologize if the photos are distorted for mobile phones...consider the galleries works in progress. ;-)

Dad's Home Cooking - A Tribute

I often joke that the best Vietnamese food anywhere is wherever my dad is cooking. I was blessed to have him come cook for me for over a week, and I need to pay a little tribute to his delicious food! So this is a little gallery dedicated to Dad's home cooking.  I grew up eating these dishes, so this week was like a walk down memory lane to all my childhood favorites, and the requests I would make when I came home from college. With the exception of some soy sauce here and there, these are all gluten-free and dairy-free too!  What's missing are all the desserts he made for me (#diabeticweek) and all the "American" food that he also cooked for me, including pancakes, omelets, bacon & egg croissant sandwiches, etc.  I ate really, really well last week, AND I have 5 days worth of leftovers so I don't have to cook during this short period while home alone.  Thanks Dad!!!  You're the best!!!  Let me know when you finish writing  your cookbook, I think all my friends and neighbors will happily pre-order it. ;-)

Sums up my week - I take care of my baby, while Dad cooks for his baby (me!)

A classic - Phở tái

Vietnamese Ramen (Mì) with roast pork and baby bok choy

Sauteed beef over tomato, lettuce, and quick pickled onions

Sauteed shrimp and stir fried green beans

Stir fried tofu with mushroom and  glass noodles

Vietnamese Shaking Beef (Bò lúc lắc) - cubed tenderloin stirfried with mushrooms and onions

Bánh cuốn - Vietnamese crepes filled with pork and mushroom.  Dad topped himself and made the crepe batter from scratch instead of his usual pre-made mix!

Stir fried beef with baby bok choy and sauteed zucchini

 Thịt kho (Vietnamese caramelized pork)