The Face of Support

While sitting in our rented beach house on vacation in South Haven, Michigan, I've had some time to reflect on how wonderful my husband is.  I won't over embellish and say I wouldn't be where I am without him -- it's not true. I have a successful career that launched before I ever met Gabriel.  I will say that I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I am now without him, and that I am more able to focus on what's really important in my life because of him: filling my life with love and even if it comes second, success at work will follow.  I've wanted to post about this since I started this blog, and after a few days of relaxation, I've finally been able to articulate what I've wanted to say.

Almost every married expatriate will tell you that expatriating is hard and requires an immense amount of support from your spouse.  I've heard of countless stories of marriages ending in divorce during expatriate assignments -- I don't think the dissolution of marriage comes from the actual expatriation, rather that expatriation exposes and exacerbates any weaknesses a relationship might have.  As a couple on expat assignment, you assume much more responsibility for supporting your better half than you might have back home where you have your establishes friends and family to lean on.  Sure there are fun parts - adventure, exploration, experiencing new things.  There are also hard parts like feelings of isolation, balancing work and fun, and acclimating to a foreign culture.

G has been my champion on this journey.  Back to when we first started dating, like...on our second date...I floated the idea of moving overseas to him, and he was all for it.  His family worked in the oil industry for generations, and he was actually born in Singapore.  His parents repatriated to the USA when he was a year old, and other than a mission trip to Mexico, G hadn't left the country since then (at least, when I met him.  We have since put several stamps in his passport!).  He loved the idea of moving abroad and didn't mind in the least that it would likely be my career that took us there.

G is pretty much ready to try anything I throw at him!

Fast forward to when I got the call in November.  When G said "Go for it!" it was actually a slightly longer conversation involving "Is this good for your career?  Do you think you'll like the work?  Yes?  Ok!  Go for it!".  He knew how important this opportunity was for me, and he jumped all in.  He gave up a great job working with people he really enjoyed knowing that we might only be gone a year, enrolled in school knowing that he might not have the chance to finish before we were sent back home, and while he complained about the uncertainty of the assignment, never complained about the sacrifices he was making for us to have this experience.

We knew the challenges of moving abroad could be extra daunting because I am the lead spouse.  There are plenty of expat spouse (the non-working spouse) support groups, mostly focused around wives of expat men, and even more support groups expats with kids.  There are very few, if any, "expat husband" - largely in part because how males bond is different from females, and I'm pretty sure if such a group existed G wouldn't go.  Even with having his online degree program to work on, spending all day in our apartment can drive anyone stir crazy and I'm sure when we first moved to Abu Dhabi, he felt pretty isolated.  G is such an intrepid individual, he found himself a group of guys that play basketball twice a week.  This has been great for him to make friends and be active, and it has been great for me because it gives me a few nights a week where I can recharge my introvert batteries.

There have been a million ways that G has supported me in the short time that we've known each other, and I'll try to stay focused on our expat assignment or else I'd be writing a novel on how much I love and appreciate him!  Pregnancy on expat assignment has been a big change for us, and G has been incredibly patient with me.  For a few months, I couldn't eat much but fruit and starches and we didn't really get to eat dinner together - he waited until I left for work to cook his bacon breakfast, and he cooked his dinners before I came home to reduce the smells in the apartment.  We're fortunate enough to be in a fully serviced apartment (housekeeping comes 3x a week to clean up after us) and G handles all the laundry and dirty dishes so when I get home after work utterly exhausted, I don't have to worry about it.  I'm embarrassed to say I don't know how to operate either the laundry machine or the dishwasher in our apartment because it's usually all done before I get home.  I feel so blessed to have such an amazing friend and partner who cares for my well-being in the way that he does.

Just the other day, I was talking about how I was considering reusable diapers instead of disposable.  I try to be sensitive about choices I make for the baby since G will be the primary caretaker when I go back to work.  Disposables will mean more laundry for him (and he HATES our washer/dryer), so I started to sell him on the cost benefits and the environmental benefits, and he stopped me mid-sentence and said "Babe.  You don't have to sell me on this.  If this is what you want to do for our baby, I'm all in."  The combination of unwavering support and my pregnancy hormones made me a little teary eyed in our living room!

Don't get me wrong, G and I argue all the time (mostly about politics and public policy), and there are things we do that drive each other nuts.  The important thing is that we can be honest with each other, and we can agree to disagree without holding a grudge.  Usually at the point when things seem the most tense and maybe we've just come to a resolution, he does something goofy to make me laugh.

Always smiling and laughing with me

I know that our life will only get more complicated when our little bundle of joy is born in August, and I'm confident that G will be right next to me, helping me figure out all the paperwork involved with a state department birth certificate, navigating newborn sleep and feeding schedules, ensuring I eat properly and take care of myself, and making me laugh the whole time.

We're so excited for our little one!

In a letter that my mother wrote to me before she died, she told me that she would find me the right man who would love me and support me in all the ways that I needed.  Thanks, Mom, G is perfect.