Homecoming

The morning of Baby L's last round of IV antibiotics, G and I waited anxiously for her test results.  If you haven't read my full birth story that details how we got here, the story starts here: Kim & Baby L's Birth Story.  Details on Baby L's IV are in Part 4.

The morning started somewhat comically for me.  Similar to the night before, I'd given her to the nurses at 12:30am so I could get some rest.  I gave the nurses 80ml of breast milk to tide her over until 6am, and my hungry, hungry hippo came back to me at 4:30am because she ate everything I gave the nurses and was hungry again!  She and I did a cluster feed from 4:30 until 8:30 where she fed for 5-10 minutes, fell asleep, and woke up 30 minutes later to do it again.  I was a little relieved when the nurses came to pick her up again for her IV at 8:30am because I needed to finish my breakfast and take my meds.

G arrived at the hospital around 9 bearing gifts of Caribou coffee, Baby L came back from her (hopefully) last IV, and we waited anxiously for results.  The head nurse came by and told us to expect a 3-4 hour wait, and so wait we did.  G was particularly restless - I can tell this week had taken a toll on him.  Between Hurricane Harvey back home and the endless waiting he'd had to do, he looked exhausted.

Finally, a little before noon, the doctor came in to do the daily checks on her, and we learned her CRP results were in!  For  reference, normal range is 2-5 mg/L, her first test was 10.4, her second test result was 11.9.  I was bracing myself for another bad result, and the doc told us her CRP results were 3mg/L!  We could go home!  Not quite, said the doc, she still needed her vaccines and we needed the hospital to discharge her.  The antibiotics were administered to all the newborns that needed them after lunch, and then the staff would start the discharge paperwork.  So...despite our excitement, we had more waiting.

I went with Baby L for her final vaccines.  They removed the cannula in her hand, and I almost cried right there (SHE was a trooper - not a sound).  Her hand was bleeding and bruised, and the nurse bandaged it up for her.  This was actually her second cannula because the one on her other hand started leaking a few days before, so she has bruises on both of  her little hands.  I hated it.

Boxing glove is coming off!

The nurse removes the tape and and splint, and Baby L squirms but doesn't cry.

Next was the 2 vaccines, one in her arm and one in leg.  She definitely screamed for both of these, and they were over super quick.  While she was on the warming table half undressed, I asked the nurses to help me get her footprints for her baby book - they looked at me kind of strangely.  They all knew HOW to do footprints because they do it for the birth records, but apparently mommies in the Middle East don't ask for prints in their baby books.

With all that done, the next waiting game was for hospital discharge.  For me, discharge took about 5 hours - so I figured we'd be home around 6 or 7pm. While we waited, I packed up our hospital room - after 8 days and 7 nights cooped up in there, my stuff and her stuff was everywhere.  When  I finished that, there was literally nothing to do but wait.  And wait.  I tried to dress Baby L up in a Michigan-themed dress as a "going home" outfit, but it was too big for her.  I settled on a hairbow.  The hospital administration must have been moving fast that day, because we received our discharge paperwork around 3:30pm - much faster than our previous experience.  G took a first trip to the car with all the bags while I packed her into the carseat, and then we were off!

Baby L is not super open to new experiences.  She was definitely not a fan of the carseat. The blue ink on her feet is remnants from her footprints in her baby book :-)

k

Once the car started moving, she fell right asleep!  Baby's first car ride was a success!

Goodbye BrightPoint!  We'll see you in 2 days for Baby L's first checkup!

We got home and immediate ordered room service.  8 days of hospital food, and I was ready to test my post-pregnancy nausea.  I ordered a steak since I couldn't eat beef all through my pregnancy, and G had picked up some champagne and red wine earlier in the week.  I fed Baby L right before dinner so that I could have a little booze and not worry about my milk.  I also ordered a chocolate lava cake for dessert.  It was all glorious.  The meat, the wine, the champagne, the dessert - it was soooo good to be finally home!

Homecoming celebration!

The rest of the evening was spent hanging out on the sofa, sobering up to feed Baby L, and then finally to bed, where G and I slept in the same bed for the first time in months. Late in my pregnancy, I was super restless at night and anxiety about keeping G awake as I tossed and turned made it even harder for me to fall asleep, so I sent him packing to the guestroom.  Nowadays, I sleep like a baby, until my baby wakes me up.  So it was definitely nice to get a cuddle and kiss goodnight from my sweetie before drifting off to sleep in my own bed.  We are so happy and excited to start our life as a family of 3!

Baby Story - Part 4: Recovery (Graphic Level: TMI)

I started to write the labor and delivery story of Baby L and I, and it started to get really long. Instead of a single novella post, I've broken it into 4 parts, each with varying levels of graphic description.

Part 1: Pre-Labor (Graphic Level:  TMI)
Part 2: Labor (Graphic Level: Low)
Part 3: Delivery (Graphic Level: Eww)
Part 4: Recovery (Graphic Level: TMI)

Part 4

After my time in the delivery room, the nurses wheeled me to my room and helped me back into my hospital bed.  My doctor had ordered some additional oxytocin delivered by IV to help my uterus contract and control bleeding, so the nurse set up the IV and attached it to the cannula that I'd had in my left hand since I was admitted to the hospital three days before.  The fluids hurt when the IV drip started, but the nurse reassured me that it was just clotting around the end of the cannula and the pain would go away.  The initial burning stopped, but it still throbbed a bit...and I was so tired that I fell asleep anyway.  As I drifted off, I remember feeling a popping feeling in my hand and all the throbbing stopped and I vaguely hoped that a blood clot wasn't making its way to my heart (again, too much reading about maternal mortality rates).

I woke up some time later feeling hungover with my head full of cotton.  I called the nurse to disconnect my IV so I could use the washroom, and as I got out of bed, I realized I couldn't hear out of my left ear.  It sounded like I was wearing a really good ear plug in my left ear.  I thought this was weird, and I didn't have the energy to be upset about this yet.  I climbed back into bed and the nurse reconnected my IV and it felt like knives stabbing my hand.  I asked her to stop and disconnect it.  She said it was just like before, it would hurt at first.  We waited about 2 minutes, and I started crying the pain was unbearable. I had just had a traumatic birth, and the pain of this being unbearable says something!  She finally relented and disconnected the line, and inserted a much smaller cannula into a vein on my right hand.  It was hard to find a vein - the dehydration from the last 20 hours meant my veins were quite small and I noticed that my hands and feet were swollen.  She finally found one, hooked up the new line and removed the old cannula and we were back in business.  I felt no pain on this side, and quickly fell asleep.

My lesson learned from this experience is that I need to be my own advocate for pain.  It turns out the popping sensation I felt before was a blown vein - the pressure from the fluids against the clot caused the vein to rupture.  This is why for one, the IV wasn't finished when I went to the washroom -- it didn't have anywhere to go.  It also contributed to the swelling in my hands and feet, and MAY have had something to do with my hearing loss.  I texted my good friend Karuna, who is an ENT on staff at Stanford, and we believe based on symptoms that the hearing loss is temporary. With so many things going on, it may be a few more days or even weeks before I can see an ENT here in Abu Dhabi, so it was comforting to get a first opinion from someone I respect.

G came back from his quick trip home just before lunchtime, and we talked about getting making sure the apartment was ready for getting discharged the next day.  When the IV line in my arm finished, I asked the nurse if I could see Baby L, and learned that she had been sleeping in the nursery while I rested. We had her brought to the room so we could be our little family together.  We spent the afternoon cuddling and learning to breastfeed.

Sweet cuddles with my baby girl.

The neonatologist came to see us in the afternoon to talk about Linh's health.  During Part 2, Labor, I mention that I struggle with the decision for an epidural, and here is why.  Because it was 17 hours from when my water broke to when I actually delivered Linh, she was at a higher risk for infection. Generally, the hospital prefers if a woman has been in labor with her waters broken for 11 hours that the baby be delivered by C-Secion, which we (thankfully) didn't do. Infections in infants is serious business because their immune systems are not fully developed, and so the hospital policy is to run a series of tests.  She passed all but one - the CRP (C - Reactive Protein) test.  We needed to start a 48-hour regimen of anti-biotics delivered through an IV.  She received a cannula in her hand and get her medicines by IV twice a day for two days, starting that evening.  G and I took a deep breath - what I just experienced with my IV coupled with the thought of my newborn having to have something stuck in her hand for two days was heartbreaking.  In the end, it was only going to be one extra day in the hospital and I definitely needed the extra day.

Our first night post delivery was long.  The nurses took her at 8:30pm for her first IV, and I wanted to cry.  I already hated the thought of her having to suffer, and I felt tremendous guilt.  If I hadn't had an epidural, could delivery have gone faster?  If I could have withstood the pain, could I have saved her from this treatment?  I realized later that there is no way I can know the answer to those questions, and I have come to terms that I made the right choices and we have the best possible outcome.  There are so many variables in childbirth and early motherhood is hard enough with spending unnecessary energy on second guessing myself.  She came back with little socks covering her hands so that she wouldn't hurt herself with the cannula, but she didn't seem too fussed about it.

The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur.  Nurses were in an out almost every hour checking either vital signs for her or vital signs for me, delivering medications to me, helping me wake her to feed her, helping me change her when G was trying to sleep...I don't think I actually slept more than 20-30 minutes at a time that first night.  By the end of it though, she was latching onto both breasts and producing dirty diapers, so I felt totally satisfied, even if slightly sleep-deprived.

The next morning, G and I had some cuddle time with her before they took her for her 8:30am IV. He has been responsible for most of the family updates, but I texted a number of friends who I knew were not on facebook with an update.  After she left, I learned that my doctor had gotten my blood results, and my hemoglobin was much lower than she'd like (5.8 vs 10).  Typically during natural delivery, women will lose 500-600 ml of blood, and then will continue to bleed in the 4-6 weeks after. Because of my hemorrhage and cleaning of my uterus, I lost all of that blood at once - over a liter. The upside to the blood loss is that I won't pass a lot of blood over the next 4-6 weeks because there's just not much left inside me.  The downside is losing all that blood at once takes its toll on the body. The doctor ordered a blood transfusion - 2 liters - to replace what I'd lost and boost my red blood cell count. Each bag takes 4 hours to drain, so I'd receive one in the morning before lunch and the second after dinner.

Me and my blood bag.  #Vampire!  Also - extra thankful to blood donors, or else this would not be possible!

Receiving blood is weird.  The blood is warmed to 41C, so I felt uncomfortably warm.  The IV line required is quite large, so that meant a 3rd prick in my arm to receive the transfusion.  I'm not going to lie, I felt a little like vampire. The blood transfusion also meant I was chained to the bed for 4 hours at a time since it was hard to disconnect the equipment - I limited my water intake so I would't have to use the washroom in the middle, and both G and the nurses held Baby L to help me breastfeed since I couldn't use my left arm at all.  That evening, the nurses literally took Baby L away from me after I fed her at 2am and told me to sleep - she would be back around 5am.  So I did.  The next morning, the blood had circulated through my system and honestly, I felt a million times better. I was able to get up and walk around without feeling light headed, and I was able to hold my baby without my hands and arms shaking. My hemoglobin was still low (7.4 vs 10), so I received 100 ml of iron through my IV.  Generally, I felt good and I was excited to go home with Baby L.

Unfortunately, after Baby L's morning IV, we learned that her CRP levels were even higher than before.  Instead of 10.4, they were 11!  The doctors increased her antibiotics and needed to keep her in the hospital 3 more days.  I was crushed.  All the feelings of guilt about the epidural came back and I had a good hard cry on G's shoulder.  Similarly, my doctor broke the news that she wanted to keep me one more night and give me another 100ml of iron the next morning, so I acquiesced.  More time in the hospital.  I also insisted at this point that G sleep at home.  The hospital cot and sofa were killing him, and I could see the exhaustion in his face and his movement.  I needed him to be refreshed and rested when we come home, and the next semester of school started in a few days, so he reluctantly agreed to leave us girls at the hospital and sleep at home.

That first evening without G, the nurses gave Baby L her first sponge bath.  She screamed bloody murder.  I think that sponge baths might be few and far between until she's a little older.  On the bright side, she slept for a solid 3 hours after bathtime, probably because she was so worn out.

The nurses wrapped up Baby L's cannula into a premie diaper to keep it dry.  Looks kinda like a boxing glove. :-)

Baby L cried the entire time the nurses washed her down.

The nurses showed me how to support her head while washing her off.  Of course, she is still screaming.

The nurses then washed her back, and she is still screaming.

That night was the first night with Baby L on my own.  I woke up to feed her, I changed her, and I slept in stretches of 45-50 minutes.  I only needed help from the nurse once when I was having trouble getting her to latch with one arm (I still had the cannula from the blood transfusion / iron in my left arm).  I was pretty wiped out by the time G got to the hospital - but at the same time proud of myself for making it through the night mostly on my own.  Up until this point, G had been helping a ton with diaper changes and getting her settled in my arms for feedings, so it felt good to know that I had recovered enough to take care of her by myself.

We sent this photo to G -- his girls missed him!

The next day, after my final iron IV, I was discharged!  A note on that final IV - again, I noted pain when they tried to run the iron through the line that I already had in my arm, so I made the nurses change it again.  I still can't hear out of my left ear and have paranoia about busted veins.  So at this point, I've had IV's attached to me in 4-different locations, in addition to an epidural in my spine, several injections into various muscles on my body, and multiple blood draws.  I felt like a human pin-cushion with all the tiny little bandaids all over me that I hadn't bothered to remove yet.

We kept the same hospital room since I needed to feed Baby L, but now I could have uninterrupted nights - no one checking my vitals, no one bringing me medications (I was responsible for my own now) and they only check Baby L's vitals at 11pm and 4am.  At the same time, my milk started to come in, and it was somewhat painful - so the nurses brought me the hospital breastmilk pump, and I started pumping small amounts of milk to soften my breasts enough for Baby L to feed like normal.  This ended up being super awesome because I sent Baby L to the nursery at 12:30 with the milk that I expressed, and I was able to sleep until 6am.  Since I wouldn't have that kind of help when I got home, I tried to take advantage while I could -- I'd already proven to myself that I was capable of the overnight routine, so I didn't see the need to be a martyr with a full hospital staff on standby.

I am a walking pharmacy for the next week - these are all my discharge meds!

And that brings us up to the present.  We are hopeful that Baby L will be discharged tomorrow - today is Sunday, and I have now been in the hospital for 7 days.  Baby L has been in the hospital for 4 days.  We are ready to go home!

Baby Story - Part 3: Delivery (Graphic Level: Eww)

I started to write the labor and delivery story of Baby L and I, and it started to get really long. Instead of a single novella post, I've broken it into 4 parts, each with varying levels of graphic description.

All photos on this blog entry are courtesy of Lacey Sexson Photography!

Part 1: Pre-Labor (Graphic Level:  TMI)
Part 2: Labor (Graphic Level: Low)
Part 3: Delivery (Graphic Level: Eww)
Part 4: Recovery (Graphic Level: TMI)

Part 3

In Part 2, I talked about my last few contractions where my doctor was calmly sitting on the stool near me coaching me through helping Baby L's head drop into the proper position.  At the same time, I could hear a woman screaming in the hallway.  Apparently, this woman hadn't registered with the hospital in advance, she had just shown up in labor!  If I hadn't been in so much pain and discomfort, I would have laughed at her screams.  They sounded something like "oh my GOD IIIIIII-EEEEEEEEEE!!!!"  She didn't even make it into a labor suite, I'm told she delivered in the assessment room about 30 minutes after she arrived at the hospital.  I will admit, I was jealous!

Anyway, back to my story.  My doc did one final assessment and determined that I was ready and then there was a flurry of activity. My bed was prepared for delivery, and suddenly there was blue paper everywhere. My legs were raised up and while I tried to hold G's hand, the midwife asked me to hold onto the back of my legs instead.  She also whispered in my ear, "Now Kim...it's after 5am. You have been up here for a very long time.  No pressure, but let's try to have this baby before 5:30."

I wanted to hold G's hand while pushing, but the midwife Shirley, standing next to G, said delivery would be faster if I held my leg instead.

I breathed, I pushed, I yelled.  My doc coached me and encouraged me.  My midwife told me to stop wasting my energy yelling and to put it into pushing.  It's hard to describe the feeling of pushing because most of the sensation and the pain is actually already gone from my memory - the human body is pretty magical like that.  I remember trying to push once after the contraction was over, and my doctor telling me not to wear myself out.  I also remember yelling to get this baby out of me!  I don't remember how many contractions it took - I think less than ten, so not too many.  Baby L was born at 5:38am!

I remember thinking whatever passed through me was longer than expected - that I only expected to feel her head, but that I felt her whole body leaving me.  I don't remember the pain of actual childbirth at all.  I heard her crying immediately, and I was so relieved - she has an excellent set of lungs.  I also had a moment of vindication and irritation that her "lack of movement" on the monitors didn't mean anything, she was perfectly fine.  I started opening and pulling apart the top of my gown so they would put her directly on my chest.

Those first few moments with Baby L were magical.  I couldn't believe how perfect she was.  Love at first sight!

G cut her cord, and she was whisked away.  I was sad that she couldn't stay with me longer, and I knew that it was important for her to get fully checked out by neonatologist.  G left me to make sure she was ok, and my doc injected a local anesthetic to start stitching me up while we waited for my placenta.  She explained to me that she was about to make a cut, but decided to allow me to tear instead -- and there were only a few small tears to correct. This pain I remember.  I remember the pain of every stitch - I kept asking for more epidural drugs or more anesthetic, and my doc kept asking me "Kim, you feel this? You shouldn't feel this".  I felt all of it.

Baby L's first checkup!

After her checkup, Baby L is dressed, swaddled, and handed to G

At some point, when the neonatologist finished with Baby L, G got to hold on to her for awhile.  I saw him rocking her back and forth. I weakly asked if I could see her, and Lacey, bless her, heard me. She told G that he should maybe bring Baby L over to distract me.

This is my favorite photo from our birth story.

G brought her back to me and I think I asked if I could hold her. I'm not sure how she got back on my chest, but Shirley helped her to find my breast and she immediately latched onto me.  It was the perfect distraction, and in that moment, I felt all the pain everything was worth this moment.  I was so ecstatically happy.

Baby L is a breastfeeding champion!

G and I watch her, and we are totally amazed by her.

While Baby L was feeding, the nurses and midwives were massaging my stomach trying to get my uterus to contract and expel my placenta.  Lacey took a few final shots of G, Baby L, and I together, and then congratulated me and headed home for some much-needed sleep.

We were about to move Baby L to my other breast when I started to feel something coming out of me, and another flurry of activity.  There were a lot of hands on me and around me, and I asked G to take the baby because I was confused about what was going on.  He took her and then my world shifted slightly.  

I heard my doc talking a lot but I couldn't understand what she was saying.  I heard alarms going off in the room, I suspect it was the machine monitoring my blood pressure.  My vision dimmed and I experienced tunnel vision and I said as loudly and strongly as I could that I was dizzy and I thought I was going to pass out.  I was dropped into a laying position, and I struggled to stay conscious.  Suddenly, I felt what I think was my doctor putting her hand through my vagina back into my uterus and I screamed.  The pain was excruciating, worse than anything I'd experienced so far that day.  I started to black out again, and I started praying "Lord please let me live so I could love my husband and my baby."  

I felt the excruciating pain a few more times, and each time I screamed and cried and I think somewhere I heard my doctor say my name, but I don't know what she said to me.  The pain subsided, and then I felt more stitching and medicines being injected into my still-raised legs. I was still dizzy, but no longer on the verge of blacking out. My doctor brought another doctor in for a second opinion, and they were looking at an ultrasound of my uterus.  At this point, I'm still flat on my back so I can't see anything going on down below.  

The doctors explained to me that when the placenta was removed, I started hemorrhaging and that the doctors were looking at the ultrasound to ensure that they had stop all the bleeding, and that I would be ok.  I can't remember exactly how they described what they did, but I think it was essentially a D&C to remove any potential clots or remaining tissues left in my uterus and that the injections in my legs would help my uterus contract to stop any further bleeding.  I was to stay here in the birthing suite for a few hours to recover, then go back to my hospital room.  I needed to take a nap, eat some food, and then rest while Baby L received her full physical assessment.

All I'd had to eat for the last 20 hours was apple juice and water, and even then, I vomited all of the apple juice that was in my stomach.  When that is the only thing you've eaten, it really doesn't taste much different coming up than going down other than maybe a little more acidic.  I asked for and received Zofran so I could eat.  I also asked if it was ok for me to sleep - I was going to wake up if I closed my eyes, right?  This is the part where knowing statistics about maternal mortality rates was not to my benefit.  The midwife reassured me that I was fine, and to rest.  So I did.  I woke up about an hour later, and G and I decided he would follow the baby to the nursery, while the staff took me to our room, and then he would stop by the room to check on me before heading back to the apartment to shower, change, and grab some clothes.   The nurses helped me into a wheelchair to go downstairs, and off we went.

At this point, I will say that I am now 100% reassured in my decision to have the baby in UAE instead of travelling home to deliver.  It's not that I don't love my OB-GYN in Houston, but recent studies have shown the maternal mortality rate in the US to be three times higher than other developed countries, and even higher in Texas.  After discussions with my doctor in the following days, I don't think I was ever in danger of actually dying, but the care I've received post-delivery have strengthened my belief that in the US we don't pay enough attention to recovering mothers.

So on to Part 4: Recovery (Graphic Level: TMI)!

Baby Story - Part 2: Labor (Graphic Level: Low)

I started to write the labor and delivery story of Baby L and I, and it started to get really long. Instead of a single novella post, I've broken it into 4 parts, each with varying levels of graphic description.

All photos on this blog entry are courtesy of Lacey Sexson Photography!

Part 1: Pre-Labor (Graphic Level:  TMI)
Part 2: Labor (Graphic Level: Low)
Part 3: Delivery (Graphic Level: Eww)
Part 4: Recovery (Graphic Level: TMI)

Part 2

Around 12:30pm on Tuesday, after 39 hours of pre-labor contractions, my water finally broke.  Once the amniotic sac ruptures, the doctor on call assesses cervical dilation, and then the nurses put an adult diaper on the mom.  Now...these aren't like Depends in the USA, these are actual DIAPERS that are adult-sized, which I found hilarious - I didn't even know they existed!  As soon as they put the diaper on me, just like a baby, I had the massive gushing water like you'd see in the movies.  So also like a baby, they had to change my diaper right away.

Doctor assessed me at 3cm, which isn't quite "Labor" but we'll call it labor.  Shortly after the assessment, I had my first post-sac-rupture contraction, and I learned what an actual painful contraction feels like.  I decided at that moment to change my birth plan and get an epidural.  I think I could have actually tolerated the pain if I weren't so exhausted from a long pre-labor. Knowing that I would eventually need the energy to push Baby L out, I decided to conserve my strength - during Part 4, Recovery, I'll talk about why I still struggle with this decision.

The nurses wheeled me up from the maternity ward to a labor suite.  It was much larger than our hospital room, super bright and airy, and had a bath tub for laboring in - I had been so excited to use that tub, but BrightPoint is such a busy hospital that really nobody gets to hang out in the labor ward in a bathtub for hours on end.  Everyone pretty much labors in the maternity ward in a regular hospital room until go-time.

Anyway, once upstairs, I had to do a CTG again to make sure the baby is not in distress before the epidural.  Once the epidural was complete, I had to be strapped to the CTG for monitoring all the way up until it's time to push.  More on why this was awful later.  I went through several painful contractions during this particular CTG, we got a final assessment that I was 4 cm dilated, and we were "officially" in labor and were good to go for the epidural.  Yay!  I still count my water breaking as my official labor start time.

The epidural was inserted without much fanfare, other than I kept asking "when is it going to get here!?!?".  G reminded me that I knew in advance when I said I didn't want one that I would have to wait awhile to get it since the anesthesiologist might be busy.  This is the problem with husbands who pay attention during birthing class. :-)  The anesthesiologist finally came, and I was pain free except for a small section of my belly on my lower right side.  I twitched a little when the needle went into my spine, so I suspect that small section was my fault...and I kind of liked having a spot on my body where I knew what was actually going on, compared to feeling nearly nothing everywhere else and having my legs go numb.

Anyway, now that we were all set up, G called Lacey, our maternity photographer, to let her know.  She came to the hospital to prepare to photograph our birth story.  I thought it would be cool to capture this moment since birthing is chaotic, and a lot of parents don't think to take pictures of various birthing things amidst all the excitement.  By the time Lacey arrived, the epidural had fully kicked in, I was 5 cm dilated, and labor was awesome!  This moment was probably the high point of the experience - my contractions were pretty strong, they were about 4-5 minutes apart, and I only felt the tiniest little bit of them!

All smiles when Lacey arrived!

So obviously of that was the high point, it goes downhill from there.  Epidurals wear off, so when I started experience cramping around the edge of my belly, I notified the anesthesiologist, and they administered more meds.  This happened every 90 minutes or so.  What I didn't fully understand was that the meds were also accumulating in my system and slowing down my labor.  I didn't feel any pain, and the muscles in my body also stopped feeling the urgency to push this baby out!  I got to around 7-8 cm and then my labor stalled for a third time in three days.  It was a looong night. Contractions were getting weaker and further apart.  Sometime after midnight, the staff consulted with my doctor, and we added Pitocin to augment the labor.

At this point several things happened.  I was extremely uncomfortable having been sitting in a birthing chair with limited ability to move for hours.  I'd also had these CTG elastics tied to my belly for hours.  They itched, they were tight, and I was mostly miserable again (but pain free!) The baby's movement came into question because her heart rate was a little too consistent on the CTG monitor. This is the same CTG monitor that kept dropping the heart rate signal and contraction signals altogether.  My epidural started wearing off, and everyone agreed that I should let it wear off so that I could have strength to push, and help move labor along.  We started measuring the location of the baby's head in my pelvis to see if it had dropped far enough for me to start pushing.  I needed Baby L's head to drop about 2 cm, and my cervix to dilate another 2 cm before the push party began.

These probes measure fetal heart rate and contractions - and they are pretty uncomfortable after about an hour.

Cardiotocography (CTG) Machine which records fetal heart rate & uterine contractions.  I loved this machine the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat, but by the end of my labor, I despised it for the inaccuracy of its readings!!!

So tired, upset, uncomfortable.  G tries to encourage me.

The nurses wanted me to lay on my side to see if baby movement would improve.  I tried left side, right side, you name it, with the monitors strapped to my belly, nothing was comfortable and laying on my side only served to slow contractions further with improving baby movement.  I argued to sit up straight, but the nurses said the could get a reading on the baby because her head was too closet o my pelvis.  Every time I sat up, not only was I more comfortable, I could feel Baby L's head dropping and my contractions got stronger.  The nurses believed the baby was in distress, so they never supported my sitting up for more than 20-30 minutes at time.  I was having all kinds of anxiety about whether this delivery would end in a C-Section...which, if that was what was best for the baby, so be it, but it seemed awful to go through all this suffering to still end up with that outcome.

G catches a few Zzzz's throughout the night

The one photo I took all night - G and Lacey try to watch a show while we wait for my cervix to dilate, but I think they kept getting interrupted.  I wasn't entirely sure, since I tried to take as many naps as I could.

This back and forth went on and on for hours.  G and Lacey helped me sneak in a few moments where I leaned way forward in my chair to relieve my lower back - it was heavenly.  Finally, early in the morning, the midwife checked my cervix and it had dilated to 9 cm - moving in the right direction! - and Baby L's head was about 1 cm from where it needed to be.  We asked the midwife if I could sit up straight to allow gravity to help me, and she said, "Sure why not??".  It felt like a miracle!  The midwife and nursing staff called my doctor in from home, and we were ready to get this party started.  Almost.

My doctor was concerned that perhaps the umbilical cord was preventing the baby from descending further, so we looked at the ultrasounds - and the baby was clear of the cord.  I felt a huge sense of relief when she told me that.  Finally, around 4:45 to 5am, my cervix has dilated to 10cm.  Now are we ready??  Not quite.  The nurses started setting up my birthing chair and had me put my feet up - not in the big stirrups yet, but sort of in a squatting position.  My doctor calmly sat in a stool near my chair and instructed me to bear down with each contraction...not too hard, not like pushing, but just bear down to help Baby L's head move downwards.  Don't use up too much strength.  After a few of these, I started to feel the need to urgently push this baby out of me...and that is when the REAL excitement began!

My doc confirms umbilical cord is not wrapped around Baby L

On to Part 3: Delivery (Graphic Level: EEWWWW Gross!) -- DISCLAIMER:  Part 3 gets quite graphic in some places, and may not be 100% "medically correct" since it's told from my perspective. Just a warning, if you're squeamish, or don't like to hear about some of these things, skip to Part 4: Recovery (Graphic Level: TMI).

Baby Story - Part 1: Pre-Labor (Graphic Level: TMI)

I started to write the labor and delivery story of Baby L and I, and it started to get really long. Instead of a single novella post, I've broken it into 4 parts, each with varying levels of graphic description.

Part 1: Pre-Labor (Graphic Level:  TMI)
Part 2: Labor (Graphic Level: Low)
Part 3: Delivery (Graphic Level: Eww)
Part 4: Recovery (Graphic Level: TMI)

Part 1

Baby L's due date was official 18-Aug, so of course when the date came and went there was a measure of disappointment and anticipation for both G and me.  I had been working from our apartment rather than going into the office because by this point I wasn't sleeping well, my whole body ached, my feet were swelling...all the typical late pregnancy symptoms that make going into the office uncomfortable.  We went to see my doctor on Saturday, 19-Aug and she said everything looks fine and normal, Baby L is not too big, come back in 4 days.  When I scheduled my appointment, the hospital staff even joked with me, "is she even going to last that long?".  My response was "who knows?!?"

I worked from home on Sunday, 20-Aug and at this point, it was almost a little awkward.  I'd handed off most of my duties to my backfills, so the only remaining tasks I had were some low priority administrative things and knocking off some initiatives on my "like to have" list vs my "need to have list".  That evening, G had his twice weekly basketball game from 8-10pm, and I hung out on the sofa catching up on the show Suits.  Around 9:30pm, I had my first noticeable contraction - it was kind of weird, and I wasn't 100% sure it was a contraction.  It started in my lower belly and rolled up my whole abdomen until my womb felt hard as if I were doing crunches.  It didn't particularly hurt, but it was somewhat uncomfortable.  I quickly downloaded a contraction counter app to see if it was maybe a false alarm and I texted G.

Sure enough, about 30 minutes later, it happened again.  G asked if he should come home, I told him probably not - at 30 miuntes apart, we probably aren't going anywhere any time soon.  I started to feel excited and bumped around the apartment packing up things and preparing to go to the hospital in the morning.  G got home around 10:30pm, showered, and I told him he should get some sleep.  I was counting contractions around 10-15 min apart and the hospital had instructed us to come in when the contractions were consistently less than 10 min apart for longer 45 seconds each.

I couldn't sleep, I was so excited.  My contractions were getting closer and closer together for longer periods of time.  Some were just uncomfortable, some caused me to need to sit down and take a breath, some were fairly painful.  I felt like the worst was at a pain threshold of maybe a 4, although looking back, that was definitely NOT a 4.  Maybe a 3.  It's interesting how subjective the scale is since it's relative to how much pain has been experienced thus far.

I woke G up at, according to him, exactly 2:27am on Monday, 21-Aug to go to the hospital.  My contractions were between 3 and 7 minutes apart, and lasting around a minute each.  I was bursting with excited energy, he was groggily packing up his things.  We got to the hospital around 3:15am and went straight up to the assessment room.  They hooked me up to a CTG machine to monitor baby's heart rate, baby's movement, and timing for contractions for 30 minutes (I have grown to hate this machine).  The contractions began to slow down to 10-12 minutes apart, and the midwife evaluated my cervix as only maybe 1.5-2cm dilated.  Right on the edge of being sent back home, but since there were rooms available in the maternity ward, they decided to go ahead admit us.  Note, for future reference, we should have gone home.

That morning, I did 2 more rounds on the CTG machine during the wee hours, and my contractions dwindled away to maybe 30-40 minutes apart.  My doctor came to assess, still only 2 cm dilated. However, the contractions were mild to moderate, so we should probably stay.  Since we'd been up all night, we tried a few fitful naps throughout the day.  G went home to shower and grab food since the hospital doesn't have a cafeteria - the only food outlet is a Caribou Coffee stand on the ground floor.

G first tries sleeping on the cot - it's not very firm, and terrible for his back and hips

So then he tries sleeping on the sofa - it's too narrow for his shoulders.  He just can't win!

Around 10pm, we decided lights out and called it a night, and almost immediately, my contractions started increasing in frequency and intensity again.  After about 2 hours, called the nurse to tell her, and she hooked me up to the CTG machine.  This is when I started to hate this machine - it involves strapping 2 transducers to the belly using wide, tight, elastic bands.  The transducers are finicky and need to be moved a lot, and every time they need to be moved, the 30-minute timer for readings start over.  I was attached to a CTG for about 2 hours that night - the nurse kept trying to move me and move the transducers to get better readings.  I didn't know it at the time because I didn't have any symptoms, but I believe I had developed a urinary tract infection that had reached my left kidney because laying on my left side was excruciating.  The nurse kept pushing laying on the left because the bloodflow to the baby is better, so readings on baby heart rate and baby movement would be better - eventually, I started crying from the pain and G pushed the nurse off me and pulled me into a sitting position.  By this time, I think the stress killed my contractions again, and the doctor who came to assess me said I was still only at 2 cm.  I was so discouraged that when everyone left, I sobbed into G's shoulder that I just wanted to meet my baby girl!

The next day, we decided to walk laps around the maternity ward to try to get things moving.  G held my hand and walked around circles with me, opening doors and goofing around to keep my spirits up.  The nurses brought me a birthing ball to sit on and roll around.  G went home again to get more snacks and clothes.  Just before lunch, I had rolled around on the ball since contractions were more comfortable in that upright position.  I decided to take a nap, and as I climbed into bed, my water broke!  I had a contraction, felt what I thought was Baby L kicking me, but was actually the amniotic sac rupturing.  We called the nurses and G gave me a big high-five.  We were so exhausted, but also giddy!!  After 39 hours (9:30pm Sunday night to 12:30pm Tuesday afternoon), we were finally in Labor!!!

On to Part 2: Labor (Graphic Level: Low)!

Reflections

The last few weeks have been super hectic as we've been getting ready for the baby, working through visa issues, and preparing for our move to Dubai.  In addition, I've been providing vacation coverage for two managers on our team, which ended up being a bit more involved than I originally expected. At the end of this past week, I handed all my extra coverage responsibilities back to their owners, AND I handed most of my normal responsibilities over to the person providing my maternity leave coverage.  All the laundry for the baby is done, the carseat is installed, the bassinet assembled, and now I just have some time to rest, wait, and reflect.

I reflect on what a wonderful husband I have.  G surprises me every day with how supportive and loving he is towards both our unborn child and me.  I knew that my ability to love would grow with the expansion of our family, what I didn't know was that my love for my husband would grow too. 

I reflect on my life before I met G. If I hadn't met G, and I was still single at 35, I planned to find a sperm donor and have a child on my own.  When my divorce was finalized, I started treatments to preserve my eggs as an insurance policy to myself for having children.  My dad is close to retirement, and we had a plan for him and my step mom to move to Houston to help me raise my child.  Having a child was important enough to me to do choose to do it alone, and while I am glad I didn't have to, I would still make the same choice.  I haven't even met my daughter yet, and I am so filled with awe and wonder of her.

I reflect on my life before my divorce.  I try to imagine pregnancy and a child with my first husband. I don't doubt that it would have been filled with love, and at the same time very different than my experience now.  We were married for over 8 years, together for a total of 13.  He was a huge part of my life.  Our marriage was incredibly tumultuous filled with brilliant highs and dark lows.  Early in our marriage, he wanted lots of children - at least 3, maybe 4 or 5. Over the next few years, he was diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression, debilitating migraines and eventually bipolar disorder and attention deficit hyperactive disorder. We thought we could defy the statistics -- 90% of marriages involving bipolar disorder fail.  I educated myself on mental health, we tried to find support groups, and in some ways, I began to lose myself. I became the worst version of myself and I continuously felt like a failure as a wife and partner.  The harder I tried, the more hyper-aware of his needs and mood swings I became, and the further I drove us apart. Amidst all this, the timing was never right for us to start a family - first he was finishing his PhD, then he accepted a job in a different city from where I lived, then he was unemployed in a deep depression, and at some point during our mental health journey together, he no longer wanted children.  We spent countless hours in counseling, and in the end, having a family was important enough to me to walk away. After filing for divorce, I started going to church again.  We had found a church we loved when we lived together in Minnesota, and after moving to Texas we drifted away from church in the same way that we drifted away from each other. It was hard for me to go back after such a long time away, and it took a long time before I could sit through a full mass without crying.  I learned that love isn't enough;marriage requires hard work and God, and I needed my next relationship to be faith centered.

I reflect on my life before my mother passed away.  I try to imagine the advice my mom would have given me while pregnant.  My mother and my first husband never really got along, and she and I grew apart because of that.  When she died a few months after my divorce was finalized I felt robbed of time to reconnect with my mom. We had made plans for her to visit me in Houston more often, something she was never able to do.  She wanted so much to be a grandmother.  I miss her every day, and I hope to see her stubbornness and her spirit in my daughter.

And my reflections usually come back to G. I don't have words for the gratitude that I feel towards him every day and I feel so blessed that he has come into my life.  Whether he was sent to me by my mother, my guardian angel, or God himself, I couldn't have imagined a more perfect partner for me. We often speak of wishing we could have met sooner, had more time together, and yet I know in my heart we met when we needed to meet.  We each had many things to learn in our first marriages before we were ready to be with each other.  I know the church's teachings on marriage and divorce, and while I wish my twenties hadn't ended in a failed marriage, it has shaped and molded me into stronger more patient partner for G.

Baby Projects!

Well ok, only one baby project.  I bought a sewing machine a few weeks back and I needed an easy project to orient myself to my new piece of awesomeness.  Now that the baby laundry is done, the car seat is installed, the stroller is assembled and we've found a home for everything, we're just waiting for the baby to show up!  That means it's time to finally open up that beautiful Innovis F420 and start a project.

So shiny and new!!

So many options!!  Also - I wasn't sure how much I'd like the knee lift, but it turns out that I love it!!

And it comes with a snazzy cover.  It also has the option for an extended table, but I decided to wait until we move to Dubai since I won't be quilting until then anyway.

I love baby projects.  I mean honestly, what's not to love?  It's hugely satisfying to the engineer in me to cut, measure, and assemble something.  Baby projects are quick because babies are small!  Baby projects are super forgiving because babies don't care if your seams aren't perfectly straight.  Baby projects are adorable because...well, babies!  I also love to give new mom's a fun hand-made gift to go along with what might be on their baby registry.  I started going through my list of projects that I'd been saving up and found the perfect "easy" project to help me learn the ins and outs of my machine.

She won't be able to use them for a few years, but I decided to make our baby a set of fabric letters. It's a great project for squeezing in a little bit here and there - each letter takes less than 5 minutes to pin and less than 5 minutes to sew, so I can put as much or as little time into it as I have at the moment.  Perfect for a new almost-mom!  I printed the letters and I'm using a charm pack of fun floral prints, some felt to stabilize the letters, and black thread to outline the letters.  I haven't decided if I want to quilt the letters with a lighter thread, but I have plenty of time to make that decision!

Each of the letters outlined in black, then cut with pinking shears to prevent fraying

So far, I'm about a third of the way through the alphabet, and I love how the letters are turning out. I'm hoping baby shows up before I finish!

Sewing Machine and Baby Stuff!!!

This week was a pretty exciting week!  It started last Saturday with a trip to Dubai to buy a sewing machine.  In Houston, I had a Singer that my parents bought me a few years ago, and I had planned on shipping it to Dubai in November...and after finishing the cross stitch that I'd been working on for a year, I decided I wanted a sewing machine NOW (I know, crazy, like I really need sewing projects when I'm about to have a baby) and I wanted an upgrade. #impulsive.  So my amazing and wonderful husband drove me first to Ikea to pick up some inexpensive basics (scissors, thread, pins, etc) and then all the way to Dubai to help me pick out a dual-voltage sewing machine that would take care of my sewing needs for years to come, both at home and abroad.  Plus, some of the reviews I'd read about bringing USA Singer Machines abroad were that even with a voltage converter, the change in electrical frequency would slowly kill the motor in the machine...so now I'll just be spoiled when I move home with two different sewing machines for all my projects.  One for sewing and one for quilting maybe?  Who knows!

I finished this cross stitch for one of my besties (who also happens to be named Kim...so she is Kim 1 and I am Kim 2) in Houston who has a similar motif tattooed on her wrist.  Just need to press, mat, frame, and ship it to her!  Sorry Kim 1 - I probably won't get to that part until Christmastime. Xoxox!

Basically, if you want to buy a higher-end sewing machine (i.e. >$150), there are only two stores in Dubai.  Classic Quilting sells Bernina, and Craftland sells Brother, Janome, Singer, and Pfaff. Bernina's start at like $1,200, and my sewing skills aren't QUITE there yet.   I decided on a Brother Innovis F420, which unfortunately, Craftland didn't have in stock that day -- I was so bummed!  I was ready for a new project RIGHT NOW!  Luckily the Craftland girls are super nice and they offered to deliver it to me in Abu Dhabi once the machine came in.  2 days later, it was on my dining room table!  Like a good little engineer, I spent the evening reading the instruction manual.

Hello Beautiful!

Fortunately (or unfortunately?) my beautiful new sewing machine is still in the box because we learned that our baby shipment had cleared customs and would be delivered the next day!!!  Sewing projects would have to wait, because our apartment was about to look like the baby section of Target threw up all over it.  We went from having minimalist "baby stuff" tucked into a hospital bag to having everything all at once, including some pretty nifty swag!

First, the free stuff - The Amazon Registry Giftbox was awesome!!!  It had a bunch of diaper and wipe samples, a full package of wipes, a super soft swaddle blanket, breast pads, and a bottle.

In addition to the registry giftbox, Amazon gave us $100 to spend on diapers and wipes!  Since we plan on cloth diapering, we mostly purchased wipes and diaper liners, along with some cotton prefolds to use as rags.

We have said many times how thankful we are for our wonderful friends back home in the USA - and the arrival of the shipment was another reminder of their love and support.  In response to the virtual baby shower our friends threw us last month, I have taken pictures of all the goodies that showed up in our shipment, and who they are from - again THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!  We love you all and we can't wait to introduce you to Baby Linh!

From Alaina, an adorable elephant baby towel, a beautiful ring-sling carrier, and a travel bassinet!  The towel is so soft and sweet, the ring sling will get tons of use, and the bassinet will be awesome for our trip to Vietnam in January! Extra thanks to Alaina for planning our virtual baby shower!!!

From Kathleen - Our Baby's First Year record book so we can document all her milestones!  It also goes with the general astronaut and outer space theme that we'll be using for Linh's nursery in Dubai.

From Bette - this super practical collapsible bathtub (a must in our limited-space apartment!) plus a swim diaper.  We met some other new parents at the pool here in Abu Dhabi, and they had their little in the pool starting at 6-weeks...we think we will try to do the same!!!

From Brad - a pile of Gerber Onesies (in various sizes!) and some super soft muslin swaddles.  Linh will not have to worry about being too hot or too cold because she'll have lots of layering options! Plus I think there will be some sewing projects for those lovely little blank canvas onesies...

From Gay - a pair of luxuriously soft sleep sacks and some very absorbent-looking drool bibs.  Linh will be drooling in style!!

From Fugy - a set of Burt's Bees Onesies.  I just love the fun little bumble bee patters on these!  Gabe made a joke about Burt's Bees totally selling out since these are clearly not made of beeswax, but who cares, they're so cute!

From Abbie - one of our most practical gifts, all of the Kiinde supplies I'll need for breastfeeding for when I go back to work.  I'm not especially looking forward to trying to juggle work and pumping, but I am excited to use the Kiinde system!

From Amity - a soft stretchy nursing cover/infinity scarf, adorable little socks, and breast pumping accessories to help mama keep baby full!

From Brenda - Also super practical diaper genie with liner refills!  Whether we're using disposables or cloth, this will be great for containing those smelly blow-outs!

From my college roommate and bestie Jennie, a pile of newborn diapers and swaddlers to keep Linh snug and dry in her first days at home (will also be helpful as we figure out cloth diapering!)

From Kim 1 - I told her she went a little overboard :-)  Linh will be super stylish, thanks to Aunt Kimmie!!!

From Mery - Not just space-themed onesies, swaddle pods, and burp cloths, but tons and tons of great advice for how to navigate our workplace policies for maternity leave while living overseas!!!

From Kathy R - This super stylish diaper backpack so that G, aka Mr. Mom can be the hip and cool baby-toting dad!  It has a gazillion pockets and we love it!!!  Both G and I have different shoulder injuries, so a backpack is also a way more practical solution than single-shoulder diaper bags.

From Kathy K - An airplane carseat bag!  I didn't even know that these existed, and I'm so glad they do!  It will protect Linh's carseat when we travel, and this baby girl is going to be a world-traveller so it will get lots of use!

From Mom (soon to be Gran) - a super cute handmade dress & bloomers (top) and beautiful airy gown (bottom).  We can't wait to dress Linh up in these!

Also from Mom and Dad  - This gorgeous co-sleeper, so Linh can sleep close to me at night and still be safely in her own space.  Also doubles as a pack and play once she's too big for the bassinet portion!

From our wonderful neighbors on Brinkman St - Lisa, Martin, Courtney, JC, Ana, Neil, Alison & the girls, Lou, and Brian, our Chicco Keyfit Carseat!  It is now fully installed and ready to keep our new little one safe.  We love how easily the base snapped into the car, and how easily the seat snaps into the base!

Also from our sweet neighbor Courtney, adorable little clothes and sweet little books!

From Jamie - a funny book (that Linh will probably only hear in her first few months!), a cute lovey blanket, and a good reminder of where Linh's baba mamma comes from!

From Auntie Danielle and Uncle Jonny - Icelandic slippers....which I'm not sure when baby will wear in the dessert, but they are very cute. :-)

Also from Auntie Danielle and Uncle Jonny - Safety First!  Our awesome Baby Jogger City Mini GT.  The canopy is off since it has the car-seat adapter in, and the stroller is super easy to fold up and stow away.

Seriously friends and family, our cup overfloweth.  I know there are more gifts friends have told me were sent, my father is bringing some of them next month, and some of them are going into our shipment in September (or as G's sister Sarah says..."offerings to the Goddess, Linh!") - We truly cannot thank you enough, we have so much gratitude for all of you from the bottom of ours hearts And OMG tiny baby things are so freakin' cute!!!

XOXOXOXOXOX

Kim & Gabe